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Writer & Red Dirt Rambler

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Who Are You, Really? What Part of Yourself Matters Most?

Posted on 03.03.17 | Holly Robinson | 10 Comments

There’s a lot of noise out there that keeps distracting us from what’s truly important. There are the small, daily sounds of trying to get through an ordinary week, like grocery lists and utility bills and car repairs.

Then there are the bigger, scarier noises—the headlines about terrorists and refugees, political shamanism, new viruses on the horizon.

With so much noise, it’s difficult to discover, and then remember, who you really are. What is your essence? If everything unimportant was stripped away from your life, what would people see?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since reading an incredible story in the New York Times Sunday magazine last month called “The House at the End of the World,” by Jon Mooallem.

The story profiles two men. One is Dr. B.J. Miller, who lost his legs in an accident when he was a college sophomore, and went on to become a leader in the area of death and dying. The other is Randy Sloan, a young man who adapted a motorcycle for Dr. Miller to ride despite his prosthetic limbs.

When Sloan was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a rapidly-moving and incurable type of cancer, Dr. Miller helped him navigate how he would die. What struck me about this story, besides the incredible admiration I have for both men and for the Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco, which Dr. Miller was directing when Sloan went there to live at the end of his life, were the questions Dr. Miller asked of Sloan.

One of the questions was this: “So, what’s your favorite part of yourself? What character trait do we want to make sure to protect as everything else falls apart?”

Dr. Miller’s message to his patients is one we should all embrace, no matter how young or healthy we might be: No matter how much noise there is to distract us, it’s essential to keep rearranging our lives in ways that will allow us to commit, and then to remain faithful, to the parts of ourselves that feel most meaningful.

Or, to put it another way: If you were a snowman and you melted, what would you want people to see left lying on the ground? Your red cashmere scarf? Your expensive black leather gloves? That fancy phone?

Or your warm, beating heart, the joy you took in doing good work, and the love you feel for the people in your life?

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Categories: Commentary, Essays and Random Thoughts, Wellness Tags: Dr. B.J. Miller, dying, end of life, Hospice care, how to die with dignity, Jon Mooallem, mesothelioma, new york times, Randy Sloan, the essence of joy, Zen Hospice Project

Holly Robinson's avatar

About the Author

Holly Robinson is a novelist, journalist and celebrity ghost writer. She and her husband have five children and a stubborn Pekingese. They currently divide their time between Massachusetts and Prince Edward Island, and are crazy enough to be fixing up old houses one shingle at a time in both places.

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    10 Comments

  1. Barbara Schneider says

    March 3, 2017 at 12:37 pm

    Your essay really made me think. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      March 3, 2017 at 12:40 pm

      Thank you so much, Barbara!

      Reply
  2. sally robinson says

    March 3, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    Wonderful food for thought.

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      March 21, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read this!

      Reply
  3. Maddie says

    March 4, 2017 at 11:59 am

    Beautifully put, Holly! And don’t miss reading the Modern Love column this Sunday, in which Amy Krouse Rosenthal (an author I already adored) writes a kind of personal ad for her husband called “You May Want to Marry My Husband.” Amy is dying of ovarian cancer–and her piece is a love letter to the man she married and to their life together. It is generous, heartbreaking, and filled with so much love that you almost feel yourself expanding by just reading it. It’s truly about what you’re talking about: what of yourself do you want to leave behind. http://nyti.ms/2lKxAtz

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      March 21, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      Thank you, Maddie–and, yes, I did see that post. Cried right into my teacup!

      Reply
  4. Sheila McCann says

    March 4, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    Speaks volumes! I enjoyed this story greatly. Thank you very much for the “food for thought”……I really enjoy your books……have read most of them.

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      March 21, 2017 at 4:31 pm

      Ah, Sheila, thank you! And thank you for reading my books!

      Reply
  5. Kathleen O'Donnell says

    March 5, 2017 at 12:14 pm

    As I start a new decade in my life next week I am grateful that I am able to when many people have not made it to my age. This makes me think of all that I have in my life.. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      March 21, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      Thanks so much for stopping by to read the post!

      Reply

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