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Mr. Curve Ball: When a Partner Makes an Unexpected Life Choice, Then What?

Posted on 12.10.22 | Holly Robinson | 19 Comments

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When my son came home a couple of weekends ago, he brought champagne to celebrate my husband’s new job. “Here’s to Mr. Curve Ball!” he said as we toasted Dan’s success. “What comes next?”

We have no idea.

Here’s the thing: we’ve lived in the same tiny Massachusetts town for almost two decades, but Dan’s new job is in southern California. So, at a time when most of our empty-nester friends are settling into retirement, garden projects, grandchildren, and early dinners, we’re blowing up our lives and going bi-coastal. Dan will live in California while I hold down the fort here.

For him, this means enjoying the California sunshine while figuring out which strip mall restaurant has the best burger, how to drive on ten-lane highways, and maybe even testing whether his knees can get him up on a surfboard.

Meanwhile, I won’t have to keep anybody’s schedule but my own. Every day will be a writing retreat. The downside is that I’ll be responsible for everything from walking the dogs to shoveling the driveway alone.

When I shared our new living arrangement with a friend, she didn’t ask whether Dan and I will miss each other. She merely screamed, “Oh my God! What are you going to eat?”

She has a point. Dan is the cook in our family.

“I guess it’ll be grilled cheese and soup, with a few carrots thrown in for roughage,” I said.

“You’re awfully good to let him do this,” said another friend.

Let him?

No: even if we have to live apart, I want Dan to take this job. My husband has played by the rules for the past 40 years, going to work steadily every day even when the work was less than thrilling. His regular paycheck and health insurance have given me the chance to be a freelance writer, doing work I love and being able to spend time with our five children.

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Most Americans spend one-third of our lives at work—that’s about 90,000 hours overall. That’s a lot of time, especially when you consider one study showing that Americans spend less than 40 minutes a day enjoying quality time with their families, and another report estimating that we only spend about 117 days total (or 168,480 mere minutes) making love during our entire lifetimes.

What’s more, a recent Gallop poll has demonstrated that most Americans (about two-thirds) feel “little to no” engagement in their jobs. They’re just like kids at school waiting for the bell to ring and set them free.

Given all of that, how could Dan and I not try this social experiment, if it gives him the chance to work at a job he loves?

Even if it means tuna melts and grilled cheese are my go-to foods, it’s totally worth it.

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Categories: marriage, Uncategorized Tags: bicoastal, California, creativity, east coast, empty nesters, marriage, Massachusetts, west coast, work life balance, work satisfaction

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About the Author

Holly Robinson is a novelist, journalist and celebrity ghost writer. She and her husband have five children and a stubborn Pekingese. They currently divide their time between Massachusetts and Prince Edward Island, and are crazy enough to be fixing up old houses one shingle at a time in both places.

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    19 Comments

  1. Nancy Fichera says

    December 10, 2022 at 10:55 pm

    Aiden told me this, and I think it’s marvelous!! I don’t often cook for myself, but you’re welcome to come up to Derry and I’ll cook for you!
    Nancy

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 12:18 am

      Thank you so much, Nancy! It would be worth coming to Derry to see you even without dinner 🙂

      Reply
  2. Toby Neal says

    December 11, 2022 at 12:04 am

    Tuna melts are delicious!

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 12:19 am

      Don’t we both know it!

      Reply
  3. Nancy Crochiere says

    December 11, 2022 at 6:30 am

    I think it sounds like a great adventure. I’m jealous!

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 12:49 pm

      Well, wait a bit before you’re jealous…let’s see how it goes!

      Reply
  4. Sonja says

    December 11, 2022 at 6:44 am

    Wow! Curve ball indeed! Definitely a new adventure for you each in your own way! I’m sure you and Dan will make this new arrangement work, & perhaps you might even expand your limited culinary skills or interests. Could happen? No? I wish you both continued joy and adventure and I have no doubt that this new chapter will add new dimension to your love story. ❤️. Merry Christmas!

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 12:49 pm

      Thanks, Sonja. If only I had your gardening and culinary skills…

      Reply
  5. Scott Emery says

    December 11, 2022 at 6:59 am

    Congratulations my friends! While change can be a bit frightening, no one can deny it’s EXCITING! Looking forward to hearing all about Dan’s surfing and your tuna melts!!!! xo

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 12:48 pm

      And just think, we have plenty of bedrooms for wandering Canadians…

      Reply
  6. Carol J. Perry says

    December 11, 2022 at 7:14 am

    Good for you–both of you! This new bi-coastal adventure will each of you new challenges, and best of all will keep the aging brains learning new ways to do things. Hopefully there’s some visiting back and forth involved between zoom dates. For food, at least once a week order out!

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 12:48 pm

      Yes, three cheers for exercising our brains–and FOUR cheers for takeout! Thanks, Carol. I hope you’re well.

      Reply
  7. Loren Stephens says

    December 11, 2022 at 1:35 pm

    Welcome to a new life adventure. And California isn’t such a bad place to visit. LOL. I’ve lived her since 1980. Took a job that I thought would be a one year experiment and learned to love the lifestyle. Surprising as an east coast former New Yorker. Was happy not to have to take a shovel and break up the ice at the bottom of my driveway after a winter storm. Hope your arrangement works out splendidly. Marriage is give and take isn’t it? Hopefully this arrangement will be positive for both of you and bring you more happiness. Happy Holidays. Loren Stephens

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 1:47 pm

      I appreciate you cheering us on, Loren. Thank you! And, yes, I have had that thought: might be nice to have a place to go in January when the ice on the driveway gets thick 🙂 Thanks for stopping by the blog.

      Reply
  8. Patricia C. Shepherd says

    December 11, 2022 at 1:43 pm

    My husband and I spent several periods of time apart after our two children left to create their own lives. My husband went on a couple of 3-month+ walkabouts (via motorcycle on the Silk Road, in IndoChina, and in China with our daughter) as well as two semester-long jobs at schools overseas while I remained in New England to finish up my BA and eventual MFAW from Goddard College and joined him the following semesters. Learning (or re-learning) how to assume all the responsibility of running our homes were fantastic confidence building opportunities that helped me become a functioning survivor when he was diagnosed with ALS and died four years later. You can accomplish anything productively if you set your mind to it. Good luck, Tricia

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      December 11, 2022 at 1:46 pm

      Wow, Tricia. I am so sorry about your husband’s ALS and passing. What a loss. But it sounds like you and he both made the most of your life together. Thank you for such an inspirational comment.

      Reply
  9. Susan Soule Shulins says

    December 13, 2022 at 8:25 pm

    My husband and I did the same thing about 18 months ago. Here we are in Arizona, in the roping capital of the world: – Wickenburg, AZ. We are moving into our new house in two weeks here in Wickenburg Ranch. It has been a fantastic reboot for both of us. I wish we’d done it sooner. We are both working full-time but with the most amazing views. We head to San Diego a lot because I miss the ocean now and then, but otherwise – life here in the West is so exciting. Let’s try to meet up sometime! Susan xo

    Reply
    • Holly Robinson says

      January 3, 2023 at 6:27 pm

      Susan, what a great note of cheer! Let’s definitely meet up when we’re both on the west coast!

      Reply
      • Susan says

        February 16, 2023 at 4:09 am

        YAAAASSS!

        Reply

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